Saul

I did not want to be king.
I hid in the midst of the baggage,
I knew the lot would fall on me;
Samuel had said so.

I did not want to be king.
But, when it was unavoidable,
I vowed,
I would be a good king.
And so I was.

I led our people in war,
I conquered our enemies,
I brought some measure of security to my people.
But,
I did not remember Amalek,
I did not blot out the name of Amalek,
I long,
now,
to forget Amalek.  

First there was the matter of the sacrifice.
Why would not Samuel come?
The people began to scatter.
I forced myself to make the sacrifice,
forced myself for the good of the people.

But I tried to be a good King.
Tried be what a King should be.

I did what was required.
I crushed Amalek.
I put them all to sword,
all but one.
To Agag king I showed mercy.
Was I not being a good King?
Is not a king merciful?

Suddenly,
the light was gone.
I walk now in shadows.
Darkness encompasses me
at midday.

Please.
Please!
Grant mercy to me!
Let my beautiful son rule after me.
Let me feel
once more
the warmth of the Sun.
The warmth of Your favor,
Your regard.

Oh that Agag would be resurrected
so that I might slay him.
That he would be resurrected a thousand thousand times,
that the whole of the planes of Israel would be red
with the blood of Agag King,
that my arm would shatter with the weariness of  endless strokes.
That once more,
even if for the briefest moment,
I might feel Your favor again.
To stand,
for the length of a lightening flash,
in Your light.
Then there would be peace.

Then I could forget Amalek.

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