Pinhas: A Reflection on Bamidbar 25 (Numbers 25)

Pinhas: A Reflection on Bamidbar 25 (Numbers 25)

It was so long ago.
Was that really me?
So full of passion
So sure
So angry
I knew she was a whore
I knew he was a dog

The picture was clear in my mind.
She set out to seduce the boy away from YHVH
And he willingly succumbed.

I took my spear of certainty
I drove the point through them both
Into the earth
In one swift stroke

I killed them in the midst of an act of life

I was judge
I was elder
I was G-D

Was I really ever that man?
That doubtless vortex of fury

I wonder now
Were they just two young people?
A boy
A girl
Besotted, if not with love,
With the beauty of youth and passion
Endless possibility

Did they whisper of a future together?
Did they think about having children?
Did they talk about what kind of sheep
They would raise?
How she would dye the wool and weave it?

How sad.
Did my fury shock The Most High?
Did my rehearsal of the Holy rage
Bring an end to the rage in heaven?

I cannot remember who I was then.
After
I felt the presence of the Creator around me.
Felt drawn to a different service.
I would not know how to hold a spear now.

I sing to the animals
I make them peaceful
Calm
Before the sacrifice.

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